... has chosen 1979 West Virginia in which to fulfill his frustrated football fantasies because a) when you take off the flannel shirts and the Levis 505s and put those Mountaineer women in Donna Summer spandex, it's a good thing, and b) he therefore angers the boys because he's a babe magnet (21st century language), or stud (1979 language), and they don't know what to do about it.

Mr. Woods, as the boys call him, is a combination wideout/punter since a) he possesses the concentration of Job, b) he's over six feet tall and cut like an Adonis, and c) he understands how similar kicking to the "coffin corner" (1979) or inside the 20 (21st century) is to stroking an up-and-down two feet from the pin.

Tiger plays for West Virginia...

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