... high school alma-mater play their gridiron archrival, listening to Arlo Guthrie's “Alice’s Restaurant Massacree,” and, of course, gorging on as much turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie as possible. But like an annoying relative, there is one Thanksgiving tradition desperately worth avoiding—the Detroit Lions.

Beginning in 1934, and annually since 1945, the Lions have hosted a Thanksgiving Day game. And nearly every year since their last championship in 1957, Detroit has cranked out putrid football teams with assembly-line efficiency. To wit, the Lions haven’t had a winning season since 2000 and have entered the fourth Thursday in November a combined 31-72 this decade.

It’s telling that t...

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