Auburn QB Cam Newton Cleared by NCAA for SEC Championship Game (Satire)

Published on: 3rd December, 2010

This week, the NCAA declared Auburn University star QB Cam Newton eligible to play in Saturday’s SEC championship game versus Steve Spurrier’s South Carolina Gamecocks. Emboldened and energized by the NCAA’s decision, Newton’s embattled father Cecil escalated his ridiculous future demands regarding his Heisman hopeful son. The elder Newton mandated these Mariah ...

The New York Jets’ Other Bitter Contract Dispute (Satire)

Published on: 12th August, 2010

SATIRE—Bitter contract disputes may thwart this year’s NY Jets’ Super Bowl run. The NY Jets announced today that another key member of its organization is seeking a lucrative long-term deal and has still not reported to the team’s training camp. In addition to All-Pro cornerback Darrelle Revis, the Jets’ Towel Boy (name ...

Albert Haynesworth Passes Redskins’ Test

Published on: 8th August, 2010

Washington Redskins’ defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth finally passed his mandatory conditioning test yesterday at the team’s practice facility in Ashburn, VA.   Haynesworth successfully completed two sets of back-and-forth 25 yard sprints passing two dozen buffet tables laden with barbecued ribs, Southern fried chicken, hot biscuits and gravy and double dipped ...