Brownie Points: Browns’ Special Teams Might Be Very Special This Season

Published on: 30th August, 2009

The Cleveland Browns are heading in the right direction. In their third preseason game, the Browns beat the Tennessee Titans 23-17 on a night in Cleveland Browns Stadium that was windier than the restrooms in a Chipotle restaurant. Flags whipped, jerseys shimmied, and loose napkins flew across the field for much ...

Brownie Points: What It Means to Be a Cleveland Brown

Published on: 22nd August, 2009

We are Cleveland Browns fans. We have missed family reunions and cut vacations short just to watch our team play on Sunday afternoons. We have suffered through the snarky comments of co-workers and the condescension of wagon-jumping fans of every stripe. We have vehemently attacked the team on local sports talk radio shows ...

Fantasy Football Is Killing My Grass

Published on: 18th August, 2009

It's true.  Everywhere I look, I see FANTASY FOOTBALL magazines and FANTASY FOOTBALL newspapers, FANTASY FOOTBALL websites and FANTASY FOOTBALL hula lessons, and FANTASY FOOTBALL hamster food and FANTASY FOOTBALL full-figured under-wire support. (Okay, that's a joke. I obviously don't read newspapers.) And because I'm addicted to fantasy football, I have to ...

NFL Hall Of Fame Game to Exclude Actual Hall-Of-Famers…Again (Satire)

Published on: 8th August, 2009

Where, I ask, is the outrage?  For more years than this reporter is willing to count (let's say six) the "Nefarious Football League" has celebrated the unofficial opening of its season by hosting what it misleadingly calls the "Hall of Fame" game. Hah! And I like to "read" Bleacher Report's "Guilty Pleasures" articles! It's ...

Coach Eric Mangini Believes Browns Have A Chance To Be Mediocre (Satire)

Published on: 26th July, 2009

The bar has been raised and the gauntlet has been thrown. Speaking at a log-rolling and pancake-eating festival in Northern Ohio earlier this week, Cleveland Browns head coach Eric Mangini let it slip that he thinks the progress his new team is making this offseason could pay big dividends this year. "I ...

Baltimore Raven Ray Lewis Concerned No One Is Feeling Him (Satire)

Published on: 21st July, 2009

Only a few short weeks before the Baltimore Ravens open their training camp for the 2009 season, All-Pro linebacker Ray Lewis has gone on record as saying he has serious doubts that anyone on the team is feeling him. "Nobody, man," said the perennial Pro Bowler to a Baltimore radio show ...

Dallas QB Tony Romo Calls Giant RB Brandon Jacobs A Poopyhead (Satire)

Published on: 12th July, 2009

Just days after New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs told an interviewer that Tony Romo was "not that good" and that "he's not that effective," the Cowboy signal caller retaliated by referring to Jacobs as a "poopyhead" and a "big fat underwear breath" on Romo's Facebook page. "It's not just ...

Brett Favre Vs. Tarvaris Jackson: Do the Math (Satire)

Published on: 11th July, 2009

The Minnesota Vikings have been in talks with Brett Favre, former Green Bay Packers and New York Jets quarterback, to take over the reigns of their offense. But the question remains: Would the 38-year-old gunslinger really be an improvement over current QB Tarvaris Jackson? As any student of the game will ...